Reaching Certainty Through Surrender

I think that embedded in all of our hearts is a desire for certainty. It may seem in vain to have this desire because what aspects of life are certain?

Although uncertainty is true for this life, it is not true for God, and a having a misplaced source to fill this desire for certainty will only cause us to experience heightened insecurities, doubts, fears, and emptiness. The control over our lives that we seek to have results only in an increased deficit of control, which is the opposite of what we are seeking. I know this to be true because I have been there and I will admit to being a first-hand witness.

I sought after this control over my life. I thought I was grabbing a good dose of certainty and direction when I went off to college for the first time. I went as far from home as I could go without leaving the state. I was going to fix my life and things were about to get better for me, so I thought. I was going to make a big turnaround and finally do things the right way, but the, “do things right” part was short lived- if ever lived at all.

This pursuit only left me empty and lost. My insecurities continued to grow with each passing day. There were moments when I attempted to pray that God would intervene and change my heart and life. I knew that I was stuck in a life and rhythm of doing things my way, and even though its results only offered more emptiness, I struggled with wanting to leave it.

Months later, God did answer those halfhearted prayers. He flooded my heart with conviction and brokenness. I experienced His presence for the first time in a way that is truly indescribable. It’s what happened next though that really surprised me. That day, God called me to leave that college and go back home. Upon that call, so many questions filled my mind. How could I quit college in the middle of spring semester? What would my parents say? What would people think? Is this really the right thing to do? As God’s heavy urge to simply “go home” grew louder, the questions began to fade away. That day I withdrew from that school and took my first step towards true certainty even though I didn’t know what would lie ahead of me and so many of my questions were still left unanswered.

Our insecurities and uncertainties about life and all that it beholds will always be trumped and silenced by God’s call; but this is only true if we choose to obey His call. Obedience to God, whether or not we understand all the aspects of the “where and why” He is leading us a certain way, solves a lot of our problems.

Honestly, it was gut-wrenching to go from “my way” to “His way”. In the end, the control I thought I had, and the ability to self-fix only served to keep me enslaved to emptiness, disappointment, and heart ache. Sometimes we seek out this grand formula to follow and if we can’t find one, we create our own.

The plan for us to follow though is simple- it’s simply surrender. Surrendering to God’s call and walking in obedience to Him was the first plan He had in place, and abandoning it the Garden of Eden is where all the trouble began. Obedience to God solves the true root of our problems, and it will always provide us with the true certainty we are longing for.